Defining who we are can be overwhelming. We are so many things, yet sometimes it is easy to forget what is in our heart.
I don't know about you, but when I look at old pictures, or reminisce, it feels like I am looking back at someone else's life. Was that really me?
It doesn't really help, either, that we are constantly trading in our own personalities and lifestyles in the pursuit of trying to be like that 'other mom.'
You know the one, you can see her in your mind now. She just rubs you the wrong way. Partly because she annoys the snot out of you, and partly because you would do anything to be just like her.
If we could strip away all the guilty, jealous, overwhelming thoughts we have, and just return for a moment to our younger selves. (I know, wouldn't that be nice!) The girl with rosy, idealistic dreams. The girl that loved watching sunsets and wearing big floppy hats.
What did you used to do for fun? Were you a reader? A runner? Did you sing Karaoke or play an instrument? Did you spend time wondering around art museums, or checking out the new pub on the corner for crazy craft beers?
Whatever it is, are you doing it now? I just heard you laugh out loud.
But, seriously, when was the last time you enjoyed doing something for the sake of just enjoying it? When was the last time you studied something just because you were curious, not because you had to teach it to your child next week?
In the Charlotte Mason world this is often referred to as Mother Culture.
Karen Andreola addresses this in her her book A Charlotte Mason Companion.
"A fresh wind of change will revive you when you participate in Mother Culture. Some may say, 'I simply have no time for myself.' Others, 'I don't think it is right to think of myself.' Such mothers are stuck in a rut of self-sacrifice to the extent that they are starving themselves spiritually, mentally, and consequently, emotionally. Their children will grow up with that 'Oh it's only mother,' tone in their voice. Some children will eventually carry the attitude that they know more than Mother on all points. But all this can be altered. Each mother must settle this for herself. the only way to do it is to be so deeply impressed herself with the necessity of growing that she makes it an aim in life."
Don't just toss this aside as being 'impossible.' I know some of you are thinking that you don't even have time to shower, let alone take a lazy walk on the beach!
But, it doesn't have to be that way. Little bits taken here and there can add up to a whole lot. It can be as simple as taking a few minutes to walk around the greenhouse after grocery shopping to enjoy the flowers, maybe learn a new variety or two. Then take those new flower names and teach them to your children on a walk.
Maybe open the piano and play while your children are outside blowing bubbles. Pick up a snack that reminds you of when you and your husband dated and share it when the kids go to bed. Take a class on herbs or plants at a local farm, and then make homemade bug spray for evening time around the campfire. Take an online painting class and then surprise your children with a work of art just for them on their birthday. Or just learn about constellations because you like looking at the stars.
I hope you are seeing a pattern here. When we take the time to fill up our emotional storehouses, it becomes a joy to give of ourselves, not an emotional drain. We can't give something that we don't have.
As homeschooling mothers (really any mothers) we often feel that we have to forsake all on the alter of our children's well being. Not so.
Get a babysitter and go out on a Friday night with your husband... put on the pretty lipstick you used to wear. Start playing Your favorite music in the car. Sing along really loudly.
In our home I have mandatory rest time for all children under 10 from 2:00-3:30. One hour is spent on their beds playing, reading, listening to music or reading a book. The other half an hour is spent playing in their room. After that they come down for a 'rest time snack', as they refer to it. There are days when we are gone or have an event planned, but I always get at least a little rest time in there.
I use this time for doing nothing but drinking coffee and watching European Soccer (my new fave). Or, I might work with my teenagers on school or just chat. I might read a book, blog or work on scheduling. Whatever. It can be something or nothing. But, I need this time.
For you it might be something else, but take the time to fill up that bank so that when your children start withdrawing you don't go broke!
Define what Mother Culture is for you, and don't look back.
Channon
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